Find your manageable middle

A photo taken on my morning walk

Stress levels tend to rise when your inner monologue takes over. That's why it's crucial to know how to find your manageable middle – the place where your inner voice is active but is no longer running the show.

For example, when that big work meeting scheduled for tomorrow pops into your head, can you acknowledge it but then return your attention to your dinner conversation with the family?

The reason we call it the manageable middle is because the goal is NOT to remain fully present at all times. You can’t control the thoughts that feed your inner monologue but you do control your reaction — or lack thereof — to those thoughts.

So how do you find our own manageable middle?

Here’s a simple three-step process that might help:

1. Start by slowing down

Close the computer, put down your phone, and turn off notifications. Take a moment to remember what it feels like to be undisturbed. Slowing down can feel scary and unfamiliar but it’s a necessary first step.

2. Move — preferably outside

It’s hard to think clearly when you’re so deeply immersed in your own thoughts. Finding time to take a walk in nature allows you to take a deep breath, relax, and start to see the so-called forest through the trees again.

3. Build a habit around monitoring your inner monologue

This is not a one-and-done but a habit that can only be formed through regular practice. 

Make the time and space to unplug, relax, and move a priority. It could be 5 minutes every day, 30 minutes once a week, or 2 hours twice a month. Test it out and see what works best for you. You can then tweak and adjust as needed.

So while you’ll never be able to fully turn off your inner monologue, remember that you can learn to regulate it with practice. And that’s what finding your manageable middle is all about.